The Ultimate Addiction: An interview with Phaedrus

I met Phaedrus. He was back on campus after his summer internship, just like me. So we played the usual how was summers game for a few minutes. Somehow Phaedrus seemed to have changed. I had met him during his summer internship and he seemed a lot different. He had seemed to have lost a lot of his cynicism and generally was more enthusiastic about life. Now however it was like to talking to the good old Phaedrus once again. So i asked him if it was the city or campus life. Neither he said. What folowed was somewhat like an interview with me asking the questions and Phaedrus giving anwers.

Q:You seemed a little changed - improved if i daresay during your internship. Now however you seem to be back to your lazy self once again.
Phaedrus: Laziness. She is so seductive, so intoxicating. It feels so good to loose yourself in her. But she destroys your health and your social life.

Q:So basically you're lazy. Why do you refer to your own fault like it is some woman?
Phaedrus: Must be some complementarian thingy. I don't want to accept to myself that i am lazy. So i create an external personna, who represents my fault and shift the blame.

Q:But why a woman?
Phaedrus: Some Fruedian fundae i presume. But does it really matter. The fact is i am lazy and i am too lazy to do anything about it. I think i am addicted.

Q: So cant you kick the habit. You told me you used to smoke and you kicked that
Phaedurs: I could. But to kick the habit you first need to sober up, and then take a concious decision. Here there are just too many fixes. And i am high most of the time.

Q: Fixes? High?
Phaedrus: Movies, Games, Books etc. All are the psychotropes of a laziness addict. Just try it out. Do nothing tommorow except play a game or watch movies. By lunch you will feel like the king of the world.

Q:Wow!!
Phaedrus: Theres a downside to it also. When you come down it really hits you hard. That'll be somewhat late at night, when your eyes hurt so much that you cant keep them open anymore. Then as you lie down and close your eyes a sinking feeling will creep over you. You will suddenly feel like the lowest of the low. You will fell almost suicidal. Watch it. Thats a dangerous moment. Its useful to read some philosophy before attempting to get high on laziness. You wont get hit that bad when you come down.

Q: You make such a big thing out of being a lazy ass
Phaedrus: So? What do all those stupid great philosophers do. Make some circular definitions, ungrammatical statements, confusing wordplay. At least i tell you life as i experience it without trying to make you think that i am a realised soul. Basically philosphers are liars. I wish i remeber the Marx quote. It goes something like "The philosopher excludes himself from the real world and then attempts to describe it"

Q: But why are you pointing fingers at others. Dont you realise the problem is with you?
Phaedrus: Now dont treat me like one of those Alchoholics Anonymous guys. I am different. I am lazy. I AM LAZY. Happy? And ok i am going for another fix. Going to play AOE. All the best with your essay.

Q: What essay?
Phaedrus: The one your company asked you to write.

Q: How the hell do you know?
Phaedrus: I am your alter ego. So lets ditch all this and go play AOE.

You're going to be the one that saves me

“Are you really such a sad and frustu guy?” She asked.
“Yes. In fact it’s actually because I vent all of it on my blog that I’m such a cheerful chill guy.”
“Saad”
“Yeah, but what to do”
...
“It’s you” She said quietly.
My heart was racing. My whole life flashed before me. Was I in the Matrix or was this the real world. Everything was going faster and faster. An instant later it all came crashing down.
“I was just joking” She said and laughed, and then went on “But it would be cool na. You would go all crazy and follow and keep calling me from Bangalore”
“Yes I might”. It was only a matter of time now. The chain reaction had started
...
“You’ll miss me na, after tomorrow.”
“Yes, I can’t imagine how I am going to go on without you”
“Proper geela guy you are”
“Yeah I suppose I am”
...
Behavioral theory states that a man finds a woman more attractive if it is later in the night or if he is drunk. It was midnight and I was a bit tipsy. But she looked like the most beautiful girl in the world and it wasn’t my watch(actually I don’t own a watch and my cell phone doubles up as my time-piece but why bother with the details and spoil the moment) or the booze. It was her. It was just her.
I leaned over and so did she. I then Shout-Whispered ( the kind of thing you do in a crowded disco/pub to make sure the other person has a 50-50 chance of hearing approximately what you said) into her ear
“What if I sent you a mail saying I was crazy about you?”

Neo: Oye beedi what sort of a line is that?
Beedi: Don’t know one of those defensive feints I suppose.
Neo: If I had tried that on Trinity, I would ended up like the trainman. You stupid fool. It’s like you are trying to play some trick on her. Like you are showing her some stimulus and trying to analyze her reaction. She probably felt like the victim of some behavioral science experiment. If she had anything for you can be sure it’s over. I am sure Pavlov’s dog never had feelings for him.
Beedi: So what do if do now?
Neo: I don’t know, get her a biscuit... And ring the bell. She might understand what you feel for her.
Beedi: Oye quit the humor and give me a way out.
Neo: Forget it. You’re too much of a bungling idiot.

She mover back immediately. I couldn’t find from her reaction what she was thinking. I never got a chance to speak to her after that. Never saw her again after that night. Never sent that email
....

Cause after all you’re my wonderwall

The Return of the Beedi

The Story So far: Krishna, Ruchika and Parate are waiting for Vidhu (not Godot, So Vidhu will actually turn up) at Rythym House.

We were standing like idiots exchanging banter when at last the black and yellow taxi (permitted only for managers of Work Level II and above) turned up.
Ruchika was the first to greet him obviously as we really didnt know him
"Hi Vidhu, this is krishna and this is Parate"
"Hi dude"
"So Vidhu, what are you and Ruchi (can i call you that atleast in my blog) planning to do"
"Well we are going to this really awesome pub called toto's garage.... And by the way its half-way across this bloody city"
"Great" says Parate , "Thats really close to where i live, lets go there Krishna"
"Ok whatever you guys say. I just want to go somewhere and grab a beer"
So we all got into a taxi and headed to Toto's Garage. The taxi also seemed to want to go there. At least judging by the noises it made it needed some garage or the
other and Toto's was on the way to Toto's. (It was a closed interval you see)
After a 45 minute journey enriched with stupid jokes, and oxides of sulphur and nitrogen, we finally made it to this so called cool place called Toto's. Only problem was the garage was full and no place to park our asses and get refuelled. So we opted for the wine shop variant and decided to drink standing up. Ruchika cited health reasons and went for a mocktail while the rest of us stuck to unleaded beer. There were a few trendy sports models there to check out but most of them didnt have PUC and were spewing out far too much nicotine for my catlytic converter to handle.

Hey Beedi, i laughed the first time at your garage puns, but that was only to be polite. Please go easy on these attempts at humor and just tell us what happened

So we continued sipping our beer ( I have only had a sip of beer ever. Ask the dumb pterodactyl. he'll vouch for me) , and talked about the usual stuff that boring frustrated MBA students talk about. The Alphabet War as I call it A vs B vs C vs the other 23.

I wonder what it would have been in Hellenic times.
"Are you going to the Grecian Academy for Really High Paying Jobs at Alpha , or are you going to Beta. "
"No spartacus, Alpha is too Academic."
"Of course Phaedrus, its an Academy"
"But surely final placements are the onyl thing that matters. It seems last year 50 guys from Alpha were asassinated on the first day of the senate"
...
I suppose you get the idea, if you dont why not move over to the dark ages

"Sir Gallahad, art thou going to The Knight School at Arlington, Birminham or Camelot"
"Sir Lancelot, i think i shall not be going to Camelot after all it is the oldest night school in the whole of Bloody England."
"True Galley but i heard last year at Arlington half the passing out batch last year got to join foreign armies, and in fact at the crusades Arlington people are the most sought after"

....
Yeah you get the picture dont you. If you dont, its the stupid Ahmedabad Vs Bangalore Vs Calcutta iim fight. But lets be politically savvy and say that everyone's a winner. The Alphabets are dead. Long live the Alphabet war.

After a while things got really boring so Ruchi and Vidhu decided to leave. Parate an I went to this really psued restraunt and had dineer. After which parate left. And i was once again alone with Krishna.
"So krishna hows the project"
"Man marketing sux. I dont ever want to have anything to do with it"
"So whats it going to be fin?"
"I dont know. I just want to make a lot of money quicky and then retire and enjoy it"
"Then you should go for an I-banking job."
"Ok.Waiter!!! WAITER"
"Yes Sir"
"One I-banking job please, with extra chocloate sauce"
"Sir we dont serve I-banking jobs here"
"Oh fuck beedi they dont serve i banking jobs here."
"Never mind ask him if he has any other fin or consult jobs. They're not as cool as i-banking but serve the purpose just the same"
"Ok waiter, get me a consult job please, without tomatoes if thats possible"
"Sir, we dont serve consult jobs here"
"Ok. Do you have any fin jobs atleast?"
"No Sir, wea are a low-cg, no extra currics, looser restraunt. We specialize in sad marketing and it jobs. Would you like one? Our chef's speciality is a really cool position 'Selling cleaning fluid in Chattisgarh'"

Oh my god beedi. You have gone over to the dark side.