Say hi to Phaedrus

Well I have now resolved to write something in blog every now and then I've reduced the time I spend playing games, I need something else to get addicted to and im not very good with substances, so lets hope I'll get addicted to this blog.

If you are reading this then let me take the opportunity to introduce you to Phaedrus. Phaedrus as you can obviously guess is my alter ego. But lets pretend we dont know that so that I can try to confuse you by projecting my thoughts on Phaedrus. You can then proceed to act confused and people will proclaim me a great writer.

Phedrus is now at that stage of his life where he has realized that the time has come for him to have to take a serious decision as to whether he wants to continue the usual mediocrity called life or whether he wants to try something different.
In phaedrus's mind mediocrity is easy, its well known, well established and he's been doing it so far and got away with it. But to continue with it would mean that he would have to accept to himself that he has well and truly given up his dreams. That the time he spends in various rooms staring blankly into the ceiling imagining a different life is time wasted. That his ideas to change his life forever are not worth the time spent thinking about them. That he was too scared and lazy to try and live his dream. The dreams on the other hand are larger than life are beatiful. They are not all rosy pictures. No phaedrus's dreams are strongly anchored in reality. When he was in school he dreamt of being the athletic kid winning medals in acads and sports. When he was in college he dreamt of becoming a noble prize winner. When he a software engineer he dreamt of becoming a dot-com millionaire. When he was doing social work he dreamt of becoming the Che Guevara of his generation. When he was in business school his dreams we about becoming a an entrepreneur. When he went to the Gym which was rare he imagined his pathetic attempts to one day make him look like Arnie.

Phaedrus's dreams were essentially extensions of his everyday life.

He thinks back. "Was I always mediocre. Is there ever a time I was unhappy about being just average. When did I feel frustrated". Phaedrus has got so used to his mundane life that he has grown used to it. He takes comfort from it. The social support system. His family and friends. He is scared to piss them all off and go where his heart tells him to. But he is also scared that his heart is lying to him. Maybe when the going gets tough phaedus wants to claim this defense and leave. Maybe he is an escapist wanting to ignore everyday realities.